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If you think matches (not cricket or home lite) are made in heaven, think again……….Match making esp. in arranged marriages is an art where everybody follows the guidelines set up by “The PhD holders in match making” n this group comprises of all the people above the age of 50. Parents forcing you to go to a family function is just a precursor and is meant to show that my child is suitable for a good match…and thus suitable families present may apply right now. But this step is not worth to be considered as guidelines. So before giving you a detailed view of those guidelines, let me produce before you a few statistics which i have gathered after lots of……well……..imagination!
50% of marriages(considering where our country has reached now) are love marriages(i.e their guidelines are totally different,so about them…..any other time).
From the rest 50%:-
30%-This comprises of boys and girls who are ready to get married but have not done so because either they had failed relation previously or/ they are very obedient sons and daughters who would just marry a guy or gal chosen by their parents or/ a total loser who cannot propose a girl on his own and thus wants their parents support.
So the problem lies with with the rest 20%:- This class comprises of people who……don’t want to marry so SOON ……even if they have entered their thirties…..just because they love their single status.They enjoy the freedom and fun associated with it and that indeed is a golden phase.
So these guidelines are about this 20% because they are the people who would genuinely find these guidelines irritating.
“Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.”
– Marilyn Monroe
Now the process of match making begins with a …….ummmmm…..
1) PHOTOGRAPH: In arranged marriages choosing a photograph is the choice of your parents.You really cannot give them the weird pics you’ve clicked and made it as a profile picture. The thousands of pics you meticulously clicked thinking about the right angle,pose,direction of tube light and all are straight away rejected by your parents.
Thus now you are made to dress up in a proper indian attire and taken to a studio where that unknown camera man is staring at you with his observant eyes. Parents coax him to take a beautiful photograph.Then you are made to stand in that particular posture…….your hands folded awkwardly and your face tilted to a weird angle…..and a fake smile which goes aptly with that pose.And then the final copy of that photograph arrives and you start doubting weather its really you in that photoshopped photo……and wonder if you would have done a better job in editing that…….never mind.
2)BIO DATA:-Well now that the big work is done the next step is to write a bio data for yourself.In today’s world where i think 90%of the urban girls are career oriented, they are more habitual of writing a professional resume rather than writing about your complexion,height,interests in music and cooking(now this really sucks!!!). And the format of writing is usually copy pasted from your elder brother or sister’s bio data.And now that everything is ready it is duly attached with the so called beautiful photograph and is sent to all the eligible candidates.
3)THE DREADFUL TIME:- Now don’t get me wrong……but frankly saying…it indeed is.Actually if by fluke or by your luck that dreadful photograph is liked by anyone and they show any interest…..then that moment arrives…..The”LADKI DEKHNA” ceremony(as if you are one of the rare species of animal in a zoo at Hong Kong.
This ceremony begins with a with an elaborate preparation and the best sweets and snacks are prepared or purchased.The house is thoroughly cleaned and the maid is asked to stay up late for extra help.The boy and his family arrives and the parents of both sides start talking about the most useless things of the world and then one of them suggests that the girl should be called in.As the girl enters every one suddenly becomes quiet for a few seconds as if they have indeed seen the rarest species.
Then the boy and girl are left in a room to talk ALONE. Usually the boy starts up the chat and talk about every thing which has been written in his bio data….the same goes for girl…..and then an awkward silence.This goes on for a while and when they have nothing else to talk then they head back to where others are sitting.
Now comes the tough part…usually the boy’s mother who has already inspected the girl from head to toe…starts with the usual question- beta khaana bana lete ho?…..and the girl thinks what the hell!!!…..(a dentist friend of mine aptly replied”nahi..but denture bana leti hoon”) but nods in affirmation and then two three more useless questions are asked. And usually by the other day you come to know that RISHTA PAKKA ho gaya….and thus following the guidelines a match is made. If god forbid it fails…..the guideline says repeat step 3…..and then the story goes on and on.
“Titanic film mein Jack ka Rose ke liye pyar dekh kar main toh yahi kahunga ki sahi mayne mein ‘RELATION-SHIP’ wahi tha…”
– Raaj Shaandilyaa, Script Writer for Krushna, Sudesh and Kapil Sharma in Comedy Circus.
By reading this you may think that these things no longer exist in today’s modern era but they do.But the matter of fact is that these kind of marriages are successful and we have all seen that questioning our elders about this is….well….questioning…..so try those guidelines and if nothing happens enjoy your single status!!!!!!!!