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Excuse me, aisi bhi kya jaldi hai?

This column has been published in HT City’s 13/11/11 edition. Here is an excerpt;

Haylo good people, I’m back. A lot of you cursed me for not writing last week. But what to do, the batteries of mind were totally discharged and I had to head elsewhere in the quest for eternal wisdom. It’s another thing that I’ve dutifully returned a failure, and shall continue to be an epitome of absurdity. Because I realised that all those stories about people leaving home in search for ‘answers’ are just those — stories. In reality, when you leave home, you usually come back with empty pockets, aching legs and constipation

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All Indians are born with special trait – Jaldi. We are always in hurry all the time and mostly for no good reasons as Sonal Kalra has very nicely described in this column. We have become so much used to doing everything in hurry that we can not imagine a life ever going at a normal slow pace. Crossing a road or queuing up at airport or even within aircraft are too good examples to show and prove the SQ we are born with. I am not denying that not  every one is same and this holds true in this case as well. But even then, we find a majority of people doing so. Mostly because even though they don’t have any intentions to do so but still do it subconsciously without even realizing that they are doing it. That’s the strongest reason we get to see sudden rush of people who start queuing up at all such places.

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Well, only exception here could be the example of cinema goers who still have some what reason to be in hurry. It is a common scenario that these cinema halls owners do start the show even while people are still entering the hall and have not yet occupied their respective seats. Even the new-age multiplexes are no exception. These hall owners are always in time crunch and hence in hurry to start and finish their shows well in time. Obviously, a person who has spent  a substantial amount on buying the movie ticket would not like to lose on even a few seconds of movie. That reason drives them to hurriedly making queues to enter the auditorium.

But then on the more serious note, do we need to blame just ourselves for all that. Isn’t there much important underlying reason that has made most of Indians to be always in hurry. In fact, this starts right from the time we are born.  Ofcourse, blame it again on ‘population’ but isn’t it true that all of us have been since our birth. In fact, many of us even hurried while taking birth and must have arrived on this planet only by c-section. . When we became ill, there was a rush to the doctor and hospitals. Then, as we grew, there was a rush to get admitted in good school. In the school, we hurried up to keep our top positions. We passed out from school with even more mad rush because by then you already have loads of uncountable people around you with whom you have to compete with to get to a good college and a subject of your choice. This madness even continued to after college when most of us mistakenly thought  probably now with getting a job life will return to normal slow pace and there will be no hurry there after. But what we fail to realize actually is that at every stage the amount, intensity of this ‘jaldi’ madness only increases, as more and more number of people keep joining you at each new stage. So, getting into a good job and company, getting a promotion and/or increment, finding a suitable life partner, getting married .. so on and so forth. This is just an endless list of things which have programmed Indians to be always in hurry or ‘jaldi’. So, it hardly matters for them if that is required or not. In fact, where is the time to even think about it. We are always in hurry to just do it before any one else could do it.

The new age lifestyle and gadget-full life has only worsen the whole situation, Today, in general, mankind  is moving at fastest ever speed and the rate at which this speed is increasing is also quite alarming. Probably, that is the reason today most of us do talk and have started believing in the theory of this world coming to en end soon. Many of spiritual gurus have also their own theory to prove this also. – when you reach the highest point of anything, the only thing required to start afresh is to come down to the starting point. Hence, “coming down” is totally inevitable.

So, let us start moving a bit slow and rather enjoy the life in its normal pace unless and until we are in hurry and don’t want to miss out on the chance of witnessing the event of “kayamat” (world coming to en end) for ourselves.

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Yes, I admit it I am a misfit [Feedback]

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This column was published on 25/9/11 in HT City. Here is an excerpt;

“Raise your left hand if you’ve ever felt like a misfit — in school, college, workplace, social gatherings. Now raise the other hand if you’ve killed yourself (not literally, Einstein!) trying to change yourself because it made you feel inferior. If both your hands are up, GOOD. At least for the next few minutes, this should be your punishment for being so stupidly harsh on yourself.  If you must know, my one hand is raised too, and believe me, it’s not easy to type out this column single-handedly. See, I have nothing against people trying to better themselves….

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Best thing about reading Sonal’s column is that there is always a smile on your face without losing the seriousness of the subject. Same thing happened with this column too. I was smiling all through first few paras but then could not continue any further obviously because I had started feeling pain in both of my arms for having raised them for so long. Also, because I was doing this after a long long time – obviously, I did this in school last time.

Most of us do find ourselves quite a misfit not once but many times in a life time. But, obviously, this ‘misfeeling’ tends to fade away with time and age….no we don’t get rid of this problem but ultimately, we accept the fact that we are a indeed a misfit and can not change for good and hence, no longer feel bad about the same.

[stextbox id=”info”]”One of the processes of your life is to constantly break down that inferiority, to constantly reaffirm that I Am Somebody. ”
Alvin Ailey[/stextbox]

We continue to feel misfit as long as we feel that we can still change ourselves to cope with others. This generally happens in a timeframe ranging from early teens to somewhere when we reach midlife. After having felt bothered about being misfit and subsequently, having tried to change (though, in vain) a lot many times, most of us do tend to give up and try to make calm – not with accepting  ourselves – but with the fact that now nothing can be done. This is the time when, most of us have refuses-to-grow-in-age wife and always-growing kids at home . At this time, specially kids, become the single most factor to distract us and in turn, they become our soft targets.

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It is then, we change our whole attention towards changing or moulding our kids so as they don’t get the same feeling of ‘misfit’ when they grow up. Little, do we realize that such an effort is only going to make the matter worse than ever. The poor kids who until now have been enjoying their lives slowly starts becoming aware about what a misfit could mean and starts relating the same with their own life only to conclude that they are indeed a misfit as their father was.

None of the problems of our life (including this one) develops overnight. When you tend to feel a certain way for quite a longer duration, it is then that ‘thinking’ turns into a disease. It is true with most of the pschological problems. So, obviously, the best way to prevent such problems is only by changing the thought process.

[stextbox id=”info”]”Misfits aren’t misfits among other misfits.”
Barry Manilow[/stextbox]

The three point solution cum medicine which Sonal has prescribed in her column is definitely a fit and hit and can really help people suffering from this problem. However, as we all know “prevention is better than a cure”. So, why not to try to prevent this problem from infecting us ever.  Childhood is the only best time when we can change the thought process  with quite an ease. So, why not try to make our kids life better so that when they grow up, they don’t find themselves a misfit as we did and instead find peace with what they are. So, next time when dealing with your kids, stop quoting examples of other kids to prove them wrong. Even if your kid is not doing good, you should handle this situation without ever doing any comparison with any one. These early age comparison are the seeds for the more bigger and serious problem /issue in the later life.

Well, as Sonal had quoted this in one of her earlier column on the similar topic which was probably published sometime in May 2011 (read that column here) –

 “When Roosevelt said ‘No one can make you feel inferior without your consent,”

This is more than true and useful if you really want to make peace with your own feelings.

Do you know who my dad is? [Feedback]

This column was published on 18/9/11 in HT City. Here is an excerpt;

“You think I’m being sarcastic? Tsk tsk… I have such bad reputation in your eyes. I’m serious. I will start a campaign in aid of all those who suffer from mysterious bouts of amnesia and have to ask who they are or who their dad is, especially if their car bumps into someone else’s. I saw such a person outside a shopping mall this weekend. He was reversing, someone else was progressing (I know it’s wrong English, just sounded funny, thanks). His car brushed the other’s bumper, very slightly, in a peck-on-cheek-of-a socialite-at-a-page3-party way. I wouldn’t have even noticed had I been in that car because, you know, God blesses some with stereos which have a physical disability and you can’t reduce …”

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Well, this column reminded me about not one but many such occurrence which I myself must have witnessed in the past specially while driving on Delhi roads (thank god, I witnessed all that as a mere spectator and was not a participant myself). Often, we find such creatures claiming to be forgotten who they are or who their mom/dad/uncle is, are generally ones who are at fault themselves. Only to defend themselves and more so to prove the opponent wrong, they do all that nonsense. One more thing I have generally observed is  that – we get to hear about these phrases more when there is a good crowd around. If there is not a reasonable number of people around, quite possible, the matter gets solved without any shouts and all. After all, who to shout it for. There is no one to listen. People shout not only because they want to make a point but they want the whole world to listen to them. Since, in India, roads are always packed with people, vehicles, people in vehicles, vehicles on people, we will find such incidents a common sight on the roads. And ofcourse, as Sonal mentioned in her column, generally people who shouts in such fights are the ones more insecure from inside irrespective of what they look from outside. It’s not a small dent that makes a difference to them but that gives them a reason to prove their authority to others (even if they don’t have any).

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Yes, a simple word of Sorry can make a lot of difference. After all this also only prove the shouting person right and only boost his/her ego which is what he has been shouting for – to get the attention, to prove he is something or his mom/dad/family is someone every one should know. You say sorry and it may satisfy its ego to a larger extent. Even if it is not, then at least this will deter him from continuing shouting and fighting, fearing people around may not approve his continued fight even after recieving the apology from the other party. 

Well, calling the cops in India is something not many people prefer to do. Even the people who themselves are right would not like to take the chance with Indian cops. Ofcourse, not every one is bad then you never know whom you get to deal with in your own case. What if you get to deal with the worst person from the police department. Every one knows, once the case is registered as legal formally, then there is no looking back.  Both the parties will have to suffer equally irrespective of the fact who is at fault – at least until the case reaches to a conclusion which anyways takes ages in India as we know.

As far as bribe matter is concerned, somehow, here in India we still prefer the other way round. I mean we will feel more comfortable if we find the matter can be solved with some bribe exchanges. At least, we remain hopeful about the case coming to an end which as I mentioned above, in courts takes ages. And when it does, we probably would have forgotten more or less what the case was all about. So, pre or post Anna, I am really not able to see any positive affect as such except the whole India and media is talking about every now and then.

Do share your feedback.

 [stextbox id=”info”]By the way, have you checked out the Gallery section showcasing the pictures of Sonal’s book launch at Mumbai and many more.[/stextbox]

Do I Look Fat? Yes, You Do [Feedback]

This column was published on 11/9/11 in HT City. Here is an excerpt;

“Here are so many weird people in this world. As you will realise soon, this sentence has no connection whatsoever with the topic of this week’s column, but I still felt like starting out by saying this. Maybe I’m one of them. Anyway, here’s what inspired me to write this one. Went to a shopping mall. Mission: to buy a dress for a cousin’s wedding (yes, I did try to dissuade him, he doesn’t listen). There was this young girl there, who had come with an aim to try every damn T-shirt manufactured in the history of that store. So, she kept zooming in and out of the fitting room with two extremely distressed and hapless guys standing outside. Her boyfriend… and the salesman.”

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Sonal has very rightly pointed out that this actually doesn’t matter to anyone as long as you yourself don’t bad about it. Or else start worrying to such an extent that the related stress directly affects your waistline and bring it close to size zero. These days “Do I Look Fat”  is a common syndrome among girls of any age. Most of the people (or women I should say) have this misconception that to look good one has to be slim to maximum possible extent. This is not even close to true. I have seen many girls who inspite of being very thin just don’t look good at all mostly because of inappropriate dressing sense. On the other hand, even most fatty women sometimes look amzing if dressed appropriately.

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Your confidence, your feel good factor about yourself will make you look good automatically irrespective of your waist size. Being thin doesn’t automatically make you look like a model and similarly, being fatty won’t make you look bad always. Question ” Do I Look Fat” is nothing more than a condition of a self doubt. Asking this question repeatitively won’t make you think by itself. So better stop having any self doubt about your looks and stop asking this question and you will automatically start feeling good.

C’mon,out with it now, A calmer you [Feedback]

This column was published on 4/9/11 in HT City. Here is an excerpt;

“Arrey,why are you getting worked up? I know he has bigger, better causes to fight for, but trust me, this problem is lethal.Log munh bana lete hainaur batate nahi kya problem hai. Now tell me, is it any less stressful to cope with such stress-gifters?I normally don’t repeat a topic that’s already been discussed in this column but making an exception this time and taking up something I wrote about last year as well… because I continue to get mails from so many of you who are troubled on account of sulking, or the tendency of a person to withdraw and stay aloof. “

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sonal-kalra-calmer-you-tips-for-sulkers-feedback

Excellent column by Sonal giving calmness tips once again to so called sulkers or people who don’t share and keep quite mostly within themselves. These are really great tips which can help people come out and start sharing and caring. When we talk about such people or observe people who prefer to keep everything just within themselves, we will most often find different behavioural traits leading the people to such a stage. We can not rule out that there are people who must have got some really serious issues in their life which makes them turn into sulkers. But then, we will also find many who would sulk only to prove that their problem is bigger than everyone else.

Each one of us do face our share of problem and issues in life. But there comes a time when the problem become a bit out of control or unbearable, then we must look out to our friends and dear ones to seek solution. However, 25% of the solution of the most of the routine problems of life lies in just sharing which means if a person can really share the problem with someone he/she trust, then the rest of the solution seems quite easier. However, not everyone is able to realize that and instead of sharing, prefer to keep everything withing him/herself. This is when we see them depressed or hopeless most of the time.

It is also true that sometime the problem is so intense that person is just not able to share it inspite of wanting to share. I think, in such cases the close friends may have to go out of the way to help that person even if the person him/herself is not opening up or giving any clue. In these days on internet, it may even be easier because you can communicate with person via email, chat or whatever. Chances of the sulker’s opening up and sharing his problem via such channels is quite high as he/she is not bothered about going through the embarassment which would have been while sharing face to face.