Tag Archives: Arranged Vs Love Marriage

A Calmer You: Mujhe arranged marriage se bachao!

Are you too desperate to fall in love, for the wrong reasons? The wedding season is upon us. And brings with it a truck load of stress, as always. I toh anyway firmly come from the shaadi is barbaadi public school but I recently realized what a tension a wedding can be, for the bride or groom’s single friends. ‘The moment your best friend gets hitched, the pressure on you to get married too, starts to mount,’ said Minakshi from my team yesterday. ‘And because you don’t want to give in to the pressure and agree to an arranged marriage, the stress of falling in love quickly takes over,’ added Neha. ‘The stress of falling in love? I thought love happened to people on its own, in fact, far too soon these days, ‘I said, and they both laughed, before rolling their eyes in a very ‘oh-we-are-stuck-with-an-imbecile-cavewoman-as-a-boss’ kinda way.

 arranged-marriage

My hesitant queries on this subject to my own younger cousins eventually told me how right Minakshi and Neha were. So one has to try really hard to make love happen these days, varna ghar waale pakad ke arranged marriage kar dete hain. I wondered if this desperation to escape the possibility of being tied to a virtual stranger for life, is also making people get into relationships without too much thought. A mail from a 24-year-old girl from Indore, who didn’t wish to be named, cleared all my doubts. ‘We are a group of four close friends. All the three, apart from me, have either got married or engaged. Mom does nothing else these days but remind me that good rishtey won’t come if it gets too late. My parents are broad minded enough and asked me if I like someone. Now there is a guy in office who I somewhat like. I’m not 100 percent sure if he’s perfect for me but he’ll be better than someone totally unknown. Shall I quickly do friendship with him?’ Well, I don’t know, girl from Indore. Seems like we are deciding on buying a dress or something. Anyway, it’s much easier for me to give you gyan, than for you to go through this stress daily. But, then gyan is all I have right now and it may just make sense to you. Please remember….

1. People don’t want to be with a desperate drama case: The more hurry you are in to get out of the ‘single’ status, the more you’ll ward off the right kind of people. Because whatever said and done, desperation shows. Coming on too strongly can intimidate, scare or simply put people off. And frankly, why should someone else make such an important decision in a hurry only because there’s pressure at your home to get married? It’s a question of their life too, equally. Isn’t it? Don’t put someone else’s — and your own future happiness at stake out of sheer desperation. All that a good decision ever wants in life, is time and thought. Give it both.

2. It’s too old fashioned to think you are too old: There used to be a time some decades back when marriage would start to get discussed at home when a girl or guy would turn 20. Elderly women, with a grim expression, would also declare from time to time that ‘the family must be complete by 30 years of age,’ whatever that meant. Now, that mindset has thankfully gone from at least the educated middle class, and so should the stress. Of course there’s always an ideal age to settle down, both from a biological view point and otherwise, but that notion of an ideal age can no longer be a sword hanging on a person’s head. If the choice is between marrying the right person and marrying at the ‘right’ age, and you go for the latter only to gain short-term peace of mind, let me slap you right now. Because life will, later.

3. Single doesn’t always mean sad, just as relationship doesn’t always mean happy: Kisi married bande se jaakar poochho, you’ll get the right gyan about what rushing into commitment does to peoples’ sanity. But then you won’t understand it, because all you can see around you, when you are single, is happy couples. Just remember that when they are done flaunting their ‘committed’ status, all they see around them, are happy singles. That’s the irony of human mind. Your happiness, whether you have a Mrs or Miss in front of your name, will only come from your own thoughts. If you’ve consciously chosen to be happy, the presence or absence of a girlfriend or boyfriend can only add value to it. It can’t be the basis of it. It just doesn’t work that way.

4. It’s your life…not theirs. One wrong choice and you’ll be stuck, not them: When I say ‘them’, I mean everyone, right from relatives to friends to even those who have proposed to you and waiting for you to say yes. None of them can, or should, influence your decision to get married. The voice, about the right time and the right person, has to come from within you. Whether it is getting into a hurried relationship to avoid an arranged marriage, or saying yes to an arranged match only because all your friends have
settled down, it’s finally your life that’s going to suffer. And your partner’s too. No relative will then own up to the responsibility of pushing you into an unhappy state. And even if they did, it wouldn’t change a thing. Take your time before you take the plunge. Even if it means taking forever. Staying single is not the end of life. It’s just another way of living a beautiful life, if you are peace, and in love with yourself. Anyway, whether you are married, unmarried, committed or single, there’ll always be some people who’ll envy you, and some who’ll thank God they are not in your place.That’s just how it is.

Sonal Kalra will someday open an ashram where only two kinds of people will be allowed. Happy married. And happily unmarried. No entry for negativity.

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Arranged Marriages. Anyone?

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If you think matches (not cricket or home lite) are made in heaven, think again……….Match making esp. in arranged marriages is an art where everybody follows the guidelines set up by “The PhD holders in match making” n this group comprises of all the people above the age of 50. Parents forcing you to go to a family function is just a precursor and is meant to show that my child is suitable for a good match…and thus suitable families present may apply right now. But this step is not worth to be considered as guidelines. So before giving you a detailed view of those guidelines, let me produce before you a few statistics which i have gathered after lots of……well……..imagination!

arranged-marriages

50% of marriages(considering where our country has reached now) are love marriages(i.e their guidelines are totally different,so about them…..any other time).

From the rest 50%:-
30%-This comprises of boys and girls who are ready to get married but have not done so because either they had failed relation previously or/ they are very obedient sons and daughters who would just marry a guy or gal chosen by their parents or/ a total loser who cannot propose a girl on his own and thus wants their parents support.

So the problem lies with with the rest 20%:- This class comprises of people who……don’t want to marry so SOON ……even if they have entered their thirties…..just because they love their single status.They enjoy the freedom and fun associated with it and that indeed is a golden phase.
So these guidelines are about this 20% because they are the people who would genuinely find these guidelines irritating.

Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.”

– Marilyn Monroe

Now the process of match making begins with a …….ummmmm…..

1) PHOTOGRAPH: In arranged marriages choosing a photograph is the choice of your parents.You really cannot give them the weird pics you’ve clicked and made it as a profile picture. The thousands of pics you meticulously clicked thinking about the right angle,pose,direction of tube light and all are straight away rejected by your parents.

Thus now you are made to dress up in a proper indian attire and taken to a studio where that unknown camera man is staring at you with his observant eyes. Parents coax him to take a beautiful photograph.Then you are made to stand in that particular posture…….your hands folded awkwardly and your face tilted to a weird angle…..and a fake smile which goes aptly with that pose.And then the final copy of that photograph arrives and you start doubting weather its really you in that photoshopped photo……and wonder if you would have done a better job in editing that…….never mind.

2)BIO DATA:-Well now that the big work is done the next step is to write a bio data for yourself.In today’s world where i think 90%of the urban girls are career oriented, they are more habitual of writing a professional resume rather than writing about your complexion,height,interests in music and cooking(now this really sucks!!!). And the format of writing is usually copy pasted from your elder brother or sister’s bio data.And now that everything is ready it is duly attached with the so called beautiful photograph and is sent to all the eligible candidates.

3)THE DREADFUL TIME:- Now don’t get me wrong……but frankly saying…it indeed is.Actually if by fluke or by your luck that dreadful photograph is liked by anyone and they show any interest…..then that moment arrives…..The”LADKI DEKHNA” ceremony(as if you are one of the rare species of animal in a zoo at Hong Kong.
This ceremony begins with a with an elaborate preparation and the best sweets and snacks are prepared or purchased.The house is thoroughly cleaned and the maid is asked to stay up late for extra help.The boy and his family arrives and the parents of both sides start talking about the most useless things of the world and then one of them suggests that the girl should be called in.As the girl enters every one suddenly becomes quiet for a few seconds as if they have indeed seen the rarest species.
Then the boy and girl are left in a room to talk ALONE. Usually the boy starts up the chat and talk about every thing which has been written in his bio data….the same goes for girl…..and then an awkward silence.This goes on for a while and when they have nothing else to talk then they head back to where others are sitting.
Now comes the tough part…usually the boy’s mother who has already inspected the girl from head to toe…starts with the usual question- beta khaana bana lete ho?…..and the girl thinks what the hell!!!…..(a dentist friend of mine aptly replied”nahi..but denture bana leti hoon”) but nods in affirmation and then two three more useless questions are asked. And usually by the other day you come to know that RISHTA PAKKA ho gaya….and thus following the guidelines a match is made. If god forbid it fails…..the guideline says repeat step 3…..and then the story goes on and on.

“Titanic film mein Jack ka Rose ke liye pyar dekh kar main toh yahi kahunga ki sahi mayne mein ‘RELATION-SHIP’ wahi tha…”

–  Raaj Shaandilyaa, Script Writer for Krushna, Sudesh and Kapil Sharma in Comedy Circus.

By reading this you may think that these things no longer exist in today’s modern era but they do.But the matter of fact is that these kind of marriages are successful and we have all seen that questioning our elders about this is….well….questioning…..so try those guidelines and if nothing happens enjoy your single status!!!!!!!!