Tag Archives: marriage

A Calmer You: Mujhe arranged marriage se bachao!

Are you too desperate to fall in love, for the wrong reasons? The wedding season is upon us. And brings with it a truck load of stress, as always. I toh anyway firmly come from the shaadi is barbaadi public school but I recently realized what a tension a wedding can be, for the bride or groom’s single friends. ‘The moment your best friend gets hitched, the pressure on you to get married too, starts to mount,’ said Minakshi from my team yesterday. ‘And because you don’t want to give in to the pressure and agree to an arranged marriage, the stress of falling in love quickly takes over,’ added Neha. ‘The stress of falling in love? I thought love happened to people on its own, in fact, far too soon these days, ‘I said, and they both laughed, before rolling their eyes in a very ‘oh-we-are-stuck-with-an-imbecile-cavewoman-as-a-boss’ kinda way.

 arranged-marriage

My hesitant queries on this subject to my own younger cousins eventually told me how right Minakshi and Neha were. So one has to try really hard to make love happen these days, varna ghar waale pakad ke arranged marriage kar dete hain. I wondered if this desperation to escape the possibility of being tied to a virtual stranger for life, is also making people get into relationships without too much thought. A mail from a 24-year-old girl from Indore, who didn’t wish to be named, cleared all my doubts. ‘We are a group of four close friends. All the three, apart from me, have either got married or engaged. Mom does nothing else these days but remind me that good rishtey won’t come if it gets too late. My parents are broad minded enough and asked me if I like someone. Now there is a guy in office who I somewhat like. I’m not 100 percent sure if he’s perfect for me but he’ll be better than someone totally unknown. Shall I quickly do friendship with him?’ Well, I don’t know, girl from Indore. Seems like we are deciding on buying a dress or something. Anyway, it’s much easier for me to give you gyan, than for you to go through this stress daily. But, then gyan is all I have right now and it may just make sense to you. Please remember….

1. People don’t want to be with a desperate drama case: The more hurry you are in to get out of the ‘single’ status, the more you’ll ward off the right kind of people. Because whatever said and done, desperation shows. Coming on too strongly can intimidate, scare or simply put people off. And frankly, why should someone else make such an important decision in a hurry only because there’s pressure at your home to get married? It’s a question of their life too, equally. Isn’t it? Don’t put someone else’s — and your own future happiness at stake out of sheer desperation. All that a good decision ever wants in life, is time and thought. Give it both.

2. It’s too old fashioned to think you are too old: There used to be a time some decades back when marriage would start to get discussed at home when a girl or guy would turn 20. Elderly women, with a grim expression, would also declare from time to time that ‘the family must be complete by 30 years of age,’ whatever that meant. Now, that mindset has thankfully gone from at least the educated middle class, and so should the stress. Of course there’s always an ideal age to settle down, both from a biological view point and otherwise, but that notion of an ideal age can no longer be a sword hanging on a person’s head. If the choice is between marrying the right person and marrying at the ‘right’ age, and you go for the latter only to gain short-term peace of mind, let me slap you right now. Because life will, later.

3. Single doesn’t always mean sad, just as relationship doesn’t always mean happy: Kisi married bande se jaakar poochho, you’ll get the right gyan about what rushing into commitment does to peoples’ sanity. But then you won’t understand it, because all you can see around you, when you are single, is happy couples. Just remember that when they are done flaunting their ‘committed’ status, all they see around them, are happy singles. That’s the irony of human mind. Your happiness, whether you have a Mrs or Miss in front of your name, will only come from your own thoughts. If you’ve consciously chosen to be happy, the presence or absence of a girlfriend or boyfriend can only add value to it. It can’t be the basis of it. It just doesn’t work that way.

4. It’s your life…not theirs. One wrong choice and you’ll be stuck, not them: When I say ‘them’, I mean everyone, right from relatives to friends to even those who have proposed to you and waiting for you to say yes. None of them can, or should, influence your decision to get married. The voice, about the right time and the right person, has to come from within you. Whether it is getting into a hurried relationship to avoid an arranged marriage, or saying yes to an arranged match only because all your friends have
settled down, it’s finally your life that’s going to suffer. And your partner’s too. No relative will then own up to the responsibility of pushing you into an unhappy state. And even if they did, it wouldn’t change a thing. Take your time before you take the plunge. Even if it means taking forever. Staying single is not the end of life. It’s just another way of living a beautiful life, if you are peace, and in love with yourself. Anyway, whether you are married, unmarried, committed or single, there’ll always be some people who’ll envy you, and some who’ll thank God they are not in your place.That’s just how it is.

Sonal Kalra will someday open an ashram where only two kinds of people will be allowed. Happy married. And happily unmarried. No entry for negativity.

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The Big Obese Indian Wedding

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Marriage is one of the biggest and happiest occasion for people in this world but in country like ours…i feel people live for this day.Not only the bride and the groom but the whole family and relatives go to the extent of hysterics even at the thought of the word “marriage”. Everyone’s happy for something or the other unknown reasons.There are so many small small functions in which the whole family participates with full enthusiasm.Even relatives who are not in talking terms with you suddenly become friendly….so in short everything looks good and feels great to be part of the big Indian wedding.BUT what irks me about this big fat Indian wedding is the term itself “BIG FAT”….i feel the term used should be OBESE!!!

indian-wedding

Marriages in India are treated as a form of business nowadays. Even in well reputed families….before starting talks about a suitable match, people generally ask that how much money are they going to spend on wedding….rubbish!!!!.And if you think that there are people who are against dowry or do not demand anything from the bride’s side….then you are highly mistaken.Even those people would generally say that the bride side may do whatever is their capability or in better words…”we don’t want anything….we just want your daughter:):)….if you really want to give anything…give it to your daughter:):)”…wow!!…that’s such a brilliant thinking.Now what such dialogues do is…they put bride’s side in a fix!!!.They really try out of their comfort zone….to give their daughter all the comforts they can.

May be for giving the so called comforts they may have to sell a piece of land or old jewelry or may be spend out of their own capabilities by taking loans!!.They give her all materialistic things like TV,AC,Car and other innumerable stuff. I just don’t understand one thing….were the groom’s side living in a jungle or a lagoon that they don’t even have such basic amenities or are they habitual of taking such expensive items as a form of gift.The society should understand that the girl can and should live in the same place with exactly same conditions as her future husband and his family lives.

Now the most important part comes is the plight of a girl…apart from the fact that she has to leave her home,her family and friends to a new place where she has to adjust with new surroundings,environment and people who are more interested in the stuff she has brought…….she is expected to be beautiful,fair,tall,well educated and well mannered.And if she has a well paying job thats the best thing that can happen..but she should also be able to churn up tasty meals every time she cooks….ummm….she has to be a superwoman.But what people should really know is that in today”s world parents take equal pains and labour to make their kids successful in professional front…be it a girl or a boy…few can be doctors..engineers or scientists…may be managerial jobs.These young professionals are capable enough to make it big in future to earn sufficiently for themselves and their families.They have promising careers but by giving dowry in the name of gifts and tokens they make the girl feel low and incapable.She feels that all these things are necessary to be given because may be she herself is not capable to be represented alone in other’s house.She needs to accessories herself with all these things and gifts so that she is accepted in the other family with all respect.I mean just look at the confusion in the girl’s mind….at professional front she heads for a successful and bright future with lots of confidence in her and on the other hand when she is married and goes to a household which she has to consider as her own ….such malpractices really downs her morale a lot!!!

Had the groom and his family accepted her the way she is without any tantrums…she might have considered herself the luckiest girl in the universe.No matter how happy or tough the future life would have been…she would have given thousand times more respect to the groom and his family…

Well i don’t know if there is any solution for this problem in society as ours….whereby we have entered the year 2013…but behave as if we are still living in the indus valley civilization where the dead was buried with all the things to be used in later life.What i feel is that this practice of exchanging gifts should be stopped immediately…there should be a limit to the splurging in organizing parties or better still…the bride and groom should organize the party with whatever savings they have.

Also read – Oh, God yeh shaadi ka chakkar.

But one thing is for sure that to stop these unnecessary evils….the society should change…and as we form the society so we should take the initiative to bring about the change.One small step from our side in a positive direction will bring about a big change in the way our so called society.And please who so ever is reading this may suggest some points to ward this evil so common in all strata of our society:)

Social Gatherings : Complete Entertainment From a Different Angle

Variety is the spice of life, we all get bored when we continuously read the same kind of stuff, yes I want to motivate people, want to be a person with whom people should forget their worries and there should be a kind of positivity in them and on the other hand to be honest I also want to make my blog as a platform wherein we can discuss anything with a touch of imagination, dreams, humor  out of box thinking, discussions, point of views, a page which belongs to all of us.

unny-indian-weddings

So keeping this point of view in mind, through this article I tried to find out ‘why social gatherings are hated so much’ and ‘what should be done in this unavoidable circumstances with a touch of humour?’

God knows why but I am very hesitant in going to the social gatherings especially family get together (marriages), and there are various specific reasons behind this, let me quote few of them

1) You meet those people over there whom you never met or met once or twice in your whole life or don’t even know that they actually exist and there is also a surety that you will not meet them again but they meet you like they know you from years and are regularly in touch with you, but the problem with my kind of a guy who is reserved is how to deal with them because you don’t have anything to say and I call them “THE BLUE MOONERS”.

How to identify them – It’s very easy to identify them because you actually don’t know them, so whenever you meet someone for the first time who is your relative that person belongs to this category.

2) Then there exist a second kind of category and I call them “THE ANOIDERS”, it is very difficult to satisfy these kinds of people and they usually find faults even in perfections, you know like

ü Decoration is not good

ü Food is not good

ü I don’t like the venue

ü No parking space

And trust me these are the people who make maximum of their visit by trying each and everything whether its food, place or people but has a habit of putting a question mark in everything, come on the father of the bride has spend millions in his daughter’s marriage and if you have so much of problem then don’t attend the function.

How to identify them- Person who does not sit at one place and go to different people complaining about things with a kind of look on his face that he is a detective and doing his investigations.

3) There is also a typical category that exists in these social gatherings, I call them “THE QUESTION MARK”, why question mark because god knows from where they think about questions but they have questions on every topic, the most irritating thing about them is the in build radar in their body through which they catch the signals and it does not matter how much efforts you put in to avoid them, they always finds you, stands by you and irritates you by their silly questions and the most common question they ask is

“KISKE BACHE HO”

“KAHA REHTE HO”
“KAUN SI CLASS MEIN PADHTE HO”

How to identify them- People with most mismatch of colours when it comes to clothes and trust me their eyes speak that they have some questions for you.

4)The next category is also an important category, the category of “THE EXPERTS”, these are the people who always have expert opinion about everything and generally attend the function just give or to form an opinion, these kinds of people are found in the first row, watching everything carefully and giving their comments continuously-

ü Groom is better than the Bride

ü I don’t like the Bride’s makeup, I suggested the parlour but she has opted to do the makeup from some other place

ü What’s the occupation of the Groom, oh I would have searched a better groom for the Bride

Come on it’s their marriage; they know what’s best for them and who needs the expert comments.

How to identify them- People who give ignorant look as if it does not matter what is happening in the marriage but go from place to place to give their point of views.

5) Next the most important category, “THE FREEBIES”, these people are not interested in the food nor in the marriage but they specially attend the marriage to have access to free supply of alcohol. I personally know many people and have many friends whose first question whenever he receive an invitation is

“Will they serve alcohol over there? If yes then I am in otherwise I have important work to do.”

How to identify them- You will never find this kind of people in the wedding, they can be found around cars or outside the tents and once they are drunk, you can find them on dj floor, whatever may be but they are the ultimate source of entertainment.

6) Then comes the another category, the category of “THE ROYALS”, you know the people who like to be treated as kings and queens, they don’t sit with anyone, they require all the facility to be at the place where they are sitting as if they are at a five star hotel and not in a social gathering. You can easily identify these kind of people by the clothes they wear and the typical expression on their face that their standard is high and they have given a big favour to all those who attended the party by being a part of it.

How to identify them-You can find these kinds of people sitting in the first row giving sophisticated looks on their face.

7) Now it’s time to introduce a special category of women, I called them “THE GOSSIPERS” because the only purpose for these women to attend the social gatherings is to do gossiping, give them a moment and they will forget that they are actually in a function and discuss everything except about the function which they attend. They meet like sisters who were lost and suddenly found each other and the best thing about this group is the way it is formed and grow within minutes including those women also which are not known faces but are interested in the topic.

How to identify them- Woman in groups with lots of hand movements and aggression on their faces represent this group.

8) Next category is the category of “THE SHOOTING STAR”, these people are so fond of photographs that you can easily find them in almost every second photo of the marriage album that people sometimes mistakenly call them as bride or groom, and then suddenly the question comes
“WHOSE MARRIAGE IS THIS?”
And the best thing is usually this kind of characters wear such colour of clothes (let’s call that alien colours of clothes oops sorry even aliens will be scared off wearing such kind of clothes) that it enhances the value of the photograph million times and sometimes you feel to say

‘Auntyji ek photo te kali vi le len dio, uthe jao uncleji bula rahe ne’

How to identify them- These kinds of people are generally found on the stage or around the bride and groom.

9) “Yaar shaadi ka khana khaye hue bahut time ho gya, pta nai koi card kab ayega”.
I hope you people are able to recognize the next category, no points in guessing, yes this one is the category which I call the category of ‘THE FOODIES’, this category knows everything about the food and they are generally found advising people

‘Shahi paneer try karo, acha baneya hai’

‘Non veg try na karo, meat purana lagda hai’

‘Ice cream chado, moong dal da halwa try karo’

‘Ki yaar tussi vi, dasso dal makhni nai khadi tusi’

I also accept that many times many sole purpose of attending the marriage is to have a change in life as far as food is concerned; you never get such a variety of food at such a cost.

How to identify them- very easy to identify them, the common face on every stall plus they are so busy in eating that sometimes the food instead of going in to their mouth goes on to their clothes.

10) Now we finally comes to our last category, It’s my habit to send my articles to close friends to check it once whether whatever I have written make sense or not, when I mailed this article to one of my friend, his reply was

‘yaar woh wali category kaha hai jo logo(for boys, its girls, and for girls, its boys) ko dekhne jaati hai, woh bhi daal na.

Yes my buuooy, ur wish is like a command for me, here is that category, category of ‘THE ENTERTAINERS’, apart from food this category is also very famous one, dil laga rehta hai, of course in the party. All the ‘sexy ladies on the floor’ knows how to impress that’s why they never feel cold in winters when all others hide their bodies with a thick layers of clothes (god knows how, may be due to this attitude, ‘acha dikhna hai toh bas dikhna hai, sardi bhi mera kuch nai bigaad skti, chahe baad mein doctor ko dikhana pade).

How to identify them- Come on in this also you need my comments as how to identify them. Go and make your own efforts.

That’s all from my side; there can be many more categories, so you all should explore more which will makes you busy even in boring parties.

Keep on sharing, Keep on growing and Keep on smiling.

Arranged Marriages. Anyone?

If you think matches (not cricket or home lite) are made in heaven, think again……….Match making esp. in arranged marriages is an art where everybody follows the guidelines set up by “The PhD holders in match making” n this group comprises of all the people above the age of 50. Parents forcing you to go to a family function is just a precursor and is meant to show that my child is suitable for a good match…and thus suitable families present may apply right now. But this step is not worth to be considered as guidelines. So before giving you a detailed view of those guidelines, let me produce before you a few statistics which i have gathered after lots of……well……..imagination!

arranged-marriages

50% of marriages(considering where our country has reached now) are love marriages(i.e their guidelines are totally different,so about them…..any other time).

From the rest 50%:-
30%-This comprises of boys and girls who are ready to get married but have not done so because either they had failed relation previously or/ they are very obedient sons and daughters who would just marry a guy or gal chosen by their parents or/ a total loser who cannot propose a girl on his own and thus wants their parents support.

So the problem lies with with the rest 20%:- This class comprises of people who……don’t want to marry so SOON ……even if they have entered their thirties…..just because they love their single status.They enjoy the freedom and fun associated with it and that indeed is a golden phase.
So these guidelines are about this 20% because they are the people who would genuinely find these guidelines irritating.

Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.”

– Marilyn Monroe

Now the process of match making begins with a …….ummmmm…..

1) PHOTOGRAPH: In arranged marriages choosing a photograph is the choice of your parents.You really cannot give them the weird pics you’ve clicked and made it as a profile picture. The thousands of pics you meticulously clicked thinking about the right angle,pose,direction of tube light and all are straight away rejected by your parents.

Thus now you are made to dress up in a proper indian attire and taken to a studio where that unknown camera man is staring at you with his observant eyes. Parents coax him to take a beautiful photograph.Then you are made to stand in that particular posture…….your hands folded awkwardly and your face tilted to a weird angle…..and a fake smile which goes aptly with that pose.And then the final copy of that photograph arrives and you start doubting weather its really you in that photoshopped photo……and wonder if you would have done a better job in editing that…….never mind.

2)BIO DATA:-Well now that the big work is done the next step is to write a bio data for yourself.In today’s world where i think 90%of the urban girls are career oriented, they are more habitual of writing a professional resume rather than writing about your complexion,height,interests in music and cooking(now this really sucks!!!). And the format of writing is usually copy pasted from your elder brother or sister’s bio data.And now that everything is ready it is duly attached with the so called beautiful photograph and is sent to all the eligible candidates.

3)THE DREADFUL TIME:- Now don’t get me wrong……but frankly saying…it indeed is.Actually if by fluke or by your luck that dreadful photograph is liked by anyone and they show any interest…..then that moment arrives…..The”LADKI DEKHNA” ceremony(as if you are one of the rare species of animal in a zoo at Hong Kong.
This ceremony begins with a with an elaborate preparation and the best sweets and snacks are prepared or purchased.The house is thoroughly cleaned and the maid is asked to stay up late for extra help.The boy and his family arrives and the parents of both sides start talking about the most useless things of the world and then one of them suggests that the girl should be called in.As the girl enters every one suddenly becomes quiet for a few seconds as if they have indeed seen the rarest species.
Then the boy and girl are left in a room to talk ALONE. Usually the boy starts up the chat and talk about every thing which has been written in his bio data….the same goes for girl…..and then an awkward silence.This goes on for a while and when they have nothing else to talk then they head back to where others are sitting.
Now comes the tough part…usually the boy’s mother who has already inspected the girl from head to toe…starts with the usual question- beta khaana bana lete ho?…..and the girl thinks what the hell!!!…..(a dentist friend of mine aptly replied”nahi..but denture bana leti hoon”) but nods in affirmation and then two three more useless questions are asked. And usually by the other day you come to know that RISHTA PAKKA ho gaya….and thus following the guidelines a match is made. If god forbid it fails…..the guideline says repeat step 3…..and then the story goes on and on.

“Titanic film mein Jack ka Rose ke liye pyar dekh kar main toh yahi kahunga ki sahi mayne mein ‘RELATION-SHIP’ wahi tha…”

–  Raaj Shaandilyaa, Script Writer for Krushna, Sudesh and Kapil Sharma in Comedy Circus.

By reading this you may think that these things no longer exist in today’s modern era but they do.But the matter of fact is that these kind of marriages are successful and we have all seen that questioning our elders about this is….well….questioning…..so try those guidelines and if nothing happens enjoy your single status!!!!!!!!