Tag Archives: Social De-addiction

A Calmer You: no instant reply equals instant stress

So, Sonal, I have a topic to suggest for your column,” said a usually reticent Divya in my team. “The other day I sent you a message asking if I could report a little late for work,” she went on. “And you didn’t reply for a few minutes. In those few minutes, I was horribly stressed that you are upset about something.”
Arrey, but I was busy with something and didn’t see your message immediately,’ I said. “Yeah, I know. But it does lead to tremendous stress if the boss doesn’t reply instantly,” she said. I joked with her about how she’s making me feel like a guilty boyfriend. And then I recalled a conversation I’d overheard in a restaurant just a day before.

technology-and-relationships
Would you stop judging me already? I don’t eavesdrop, the guys were too loud. Well, okay. I eavesdropped. But suno toh sahi, it was a damn interesting conversation.
Jaan le rakhi hai yaar Richa ne,” said one guy to his friend. “I love her and all that. But she’s constantly on my case if I’m not available online 24X7. She keeps a track of my last seen time on Whatsapp and gives me such grief if I’ve been online otherwise but haven’t responded to her message yet.” “Girls are like that only,” replied his genius friend, shaking his head.
Well, I don’t know if girls are like that, but technology surely is like that these days. Overwhelming, and overbearing. Before the instant messaging monsters invaded our civilisation, we were okay with not hearing from our loved ones all through the day. But in a bid to outdo each other, telecom companies have taken slogans like ‘stay connected’ too literally, and sadly so have we.
In the day and age when instant noodles and pre-mixed coffee is called a meal without blinking an eyelid, instant replies on SMSs, BBMs or Whatsapp have also become a measure of how much you care for the person on the other end.
And ironically it has become so justified to feel upset about why someone did not respond to our message immediately that the other person is left with no choice but to act guilty and defensive, without realising that there is no such rule in life that says you don’t care for the sender if you do not respond within 7 seconds of reading a message. Then there are BBM or Whatsapp groups where copy pasted jokes arrive from all directions at the speed of missiles and everyone in the group is supposed to ‘lol’ well in time to be safely considered a social animal.
In some ways, this stress of always being available also manifests itself in the way we respond to phone calls. You could have sat down to eat a meal, which by the way, still remains the primary thing you are living and working so hard for, and the phone rings. Immediately, the meal takes a backseat and you either get up to take a call or now since cell phones are almost appended to our bodies like an extended limb, you just take the call there and then.
If you don’t and there is an emotional loved one on the other side, your entire day can go in making amends. There is a colleague who starts most of his conversations with me by complaining about how I didn’t take his call the last time. Once I tried telling him politely that till the day I spend on buying a cell phone and pay its monthly bills, it’s I who will decide when to pick up a call, not the caller. He took truck loads of offence but thankfully the grumbling ceased for a while.
My point is simple. Technology is a facilitator, not the master of our life. If the state of our relationships is going to be dictated by the stress of how much we are making use of that technology, then we’ll only end up tying ourselves in knots. If you are one of those who happens to get all worked up about how your friend has not responded instantly to your message, consider this:
1. By getting constantly upset that your boyfriend isn’t responding to your messages at the speed of light, you are not showing love, you are showing insecurity.
2. Frequent display of insecurity will not make him come closer to you, it’ll make him Google for ways to hide his online status from you.
3. Hiding his online status just to maintain peace in the relationship is actually making him lie to you, something that he wouldn’t want to do if you were not this hyper about instant responses.
4. Lying in a relationship weakens its very foundation, further fuelling insecurity.
5. Finally, there is no proof to support the notion that relationships based on two people constantly connected to each other are stronger than those where each person gets space to breathe.
On the contrary, the latter may just be stronger since there’s no stress to lie or keep defending oneself.

Here’s some unsolicited gyan for Richa, jisne jaan le rakhi hai. Do remember that the definition of love got written ages before human beings learned to even spell technology. Don’t suddenly make advancements in technology the basis for a thing whose basis can only be trust, and nothing else. The day your boyfriend gets the confidence to say ‘I was chilling out with friends’ rather than saying, the phone was in the pocket and I didn’t hear the beep, he’d be in a much secure space in the relationship. And the day you learn to chill out with your own friends without being under the stress of checking your phone every second for his reply, you’d be in bliss too. Try toh karo.

Sonal Kalra has discovered that by simply blocking a contact for a few minutes and then unblocking them, you can effectively hide the ‘last seen’ time-stamp from whatsapp.
Also if you read a message on BBM and without touching the trackball or pressing any key you press the red, call disconnect key, you can read a message without the dreaded, R, appearing next to it.

Chalo, kuchh toh kaam ka seekha aaj.

Today's Viral Video - Must Watch & Share. Subscribe to My YouTube Channel.

"My Parents Just Dont Understand me" .. like .. really ?

Today's Viral Video - Must Watch & Share. Subscribe to My YouTube Channel.

Aeons have passed since the apparently ‘never going to end’ war between the not so modern parents and their so very inexperienced kids has been going on! Almost everyday I come across this topic, posts of children on social networking sites railing against their parents for not being modern enough to accept their child’s romantic relationship with someone else followed by the morose “Why me ?” and the melancholic “ My parents just don’t understand me” … I mean come on people they are YOUR PARENTS doing everything just for you and you harass all their concern with this “Why me?”

Kids Fight with parents relationship issues

Why ME” Revisited.

Just the other day a cousin of mine (13 years and 4 months old to be precise) almost on the verge of drowning in the lake of depression started telling me how her parents suspected her without any reason and kept a check on her phone without any fault of hers which yet again was followed by the morose “why me” ,and not to forget..the melancholic “My parents just don’t understand me” with such a deplorable expression that it actually made me go “ Ohh poor her ! How insensitive can parents be sometimes” when just the next minute with a current of exhilaration in her voice did she start telling me about her ‘boyfriend’ (oh yes and its the very boyfriend without any space or hyphen between the BOY and the FRIEND) , Mr Dude , and how she loved to spend time with her Mr Dude ! Oh come on … there you are … that is the very reason why you are in the “Why me” state.

Well i know all the youngsters out there must be snarling at me but just think .. think of the reason the elders tell us not to get involved in this stuff! I know how it feels for I’m not a fairy-tale princess either but I’ve grown up learning from my experiences as well. After all these years I can feel that I’m a better person bereft of all sorts of worries and tensions and not to forget , the fear of being ‘caught’ . Yes I’m just another teenager but more than that i am a person who learns from the experiences. And i definitely do not fall in with the sentence that one can learn from others’ experience , unless one is a total cheater cock , just like one’s thirst can never be quenched by seeing the other gulping down water! But all i intend to do is instil a thought in your brain which will coerce you to give it another thought .

Lessen The Burden!

The fact of the matter is that we are actually kids. Yes, kids switching over to adulthood, but not yet adults and this fact makes a mammoth of a difference. The thing is that when YOU actually become an adult, you’ll laugh at (or sometimes even regret) all this. Parents are somewhere actually right because it is the “happy times” we’d be missing on by involving in relationships.

The reality is that we actually can’t handle it because we aint mature enough ! Lucky those people are who are able to but as far as I’ve seen and the recent Confession pages on Facebook have shown, most cant . No wonder we see umpteen number of teens feeling depressed and OVERBURDENED because of this extra burden they carry which they aren’t even ready to carry!

The grim truth is not that the parents aren’t supportive but that you aren’t smart enough and it is but natural. You feel infatuated , you become friends, you get in a relationship , you do blunders , it finally ends up , you regret and are left with sheer bittersweet memories which attract you and sway you away. You end up sleeping on wet pillows, updating distressing statuses, becoming a mere hardboiled recluse. You end up disliking fun and finally become a humdrum person until you again come at the first infatuation stage and the cycle continues.So many heartbreaks, unfulfilled promises and nonsense done. But did you ever think how nice it would have been if you had limited it to just becoming friends. Then you would have been bereft of all kinds of fears and worries and would have even continued to be with that person instead of being ruefully separated like in your case! You would have been happy then. You would have felt free, no one to blame, nothing to regret. Now if you are not as flickering as the streetlight near my house, you would have got my point!

These years are the golden years of your life where you get a chance to be free and ENJOY because after that you will eventually have to face the vagaries of life. Why not just enjoy this freedom with no regrets and morose “Why Me”s . All you gotta do is be real and sensible and live the life which you’re meant to live. Love is a big word and if it is love, it doesn’t end so quickly.

However, since you can see that it mostly doesn’t ‘work out’ you should give it a thought that it is an imposter in the form of love, fooling you all the way long. The decision remains in your hand : to be or not to be a fool. For one thing we all know is that to find a 13-year-old , or even a 16-year-old for that matter, falling in “love” can sometimes be really hilarious but we all that once even we had gone through this stage. Life is all about choices you make .. so make better choices to make your life better! Stay Happy!

If you are a bit too much addicted to social networking sites, do join us on Facebook and follow us onTwitter to get the tips on how to get rid of this habit. Smile.

Interested to Join Our Team of Guest Contributors? Here is, How to Register Yourself.

Social De-addiction-Satisfaction Guaranteed

social-networking-addict
There was a time when parents used to warn their children to return  home from  the park at the specified time or else they would be locked in the perpetually non-existent “Chuhon wala Kamra” for coming back home late and now, the parents whine that their kids hardly step out of home. Even if they do, the universe knows whether they are at Nathu Ram departmental store or at Bondhu Lal sweet shop. All thanks to the position update option available at numerous social networking websites. Sitting at Mcdonalds, you fail to spend quality time with the persons sitting at the opposite side of the table because you were occupied telling your imaginary friends/followers on facebook, twitter and whatsapp that you have ordered the happy price menu & the bill amount inclusive of all taxes is Rs. 99.99. A strong impulse to crack that criminal case on facebook conquers the need to work out a strategy for the exam tomorrow.

Social networking websites are manufacturers of desire. The desire to check facebook notifications when your mind says that ‘I am bored’, desire to browse tweets when your mind says ‘lets see whats going on around the world’. The desire is so intense that even while you are doing some important work, social applications are running behind the Word processor window on a computer or minimzed to tray on your smartphone. You put our phone away for a while and the thought of checking texts, emails, notifications etc. lurks in your mind, you take a short break from work and check your social accounts in that time.

If you get to hear “you are always logged on”, “put your phone away”, “kabhi computer/phone ko saans bhi lene diya karo” like sentences more than twice a day and depict all/any of the traits mentioned in this para, you should admit that you are a social addict. At least, ‘I admit that I am’ and I don’t support the point of giving up social network completely because ‘excess of everything is bad’, be it social addiction or social de-addiction to an extent that we flee from the social front. The only goal of this writeup is to bring myself and the readers back to being a social animal from being a social wild animal which the low cost internet packages have made us. Lets talk about the steps we can take to achieve our goal of being a social animal from being socially wild:-

1.) Motivation:- The first thing you can do to achieve any objective is to motivate yourself to do the same. Write down a few things you can do if you don’t use social sites for a few hours, a few benefits of not being on social sites for a few days etc. Read these points daily. “Motivation is doing the thing you said you would do long after the time the mood you said it in has left you.” Read these points everyday to stay motivated to achieve your goal. This motivation technique can be used to achieve any goal in general.
motivation

1.) Shut-down timers- Shut-down timers are very minute size softwares available liberally and easily on the internet which shut down your computer at the time you specify . So, if you are really serious on getting rid of the ‘checking habit’, install this in your PC. The next time you log-in to your social account, set a timer of 30 minutes or 1 hour and the computer will automatically shut down at the specified time. Even if you bang your head in the monitor screen or scream “Nahiiii….” Loudly because you wanted to ‘Like’ the status of your girlfriend, the computer won’t pay heed to your actions or words and perform its job. You may also set an alarm on your cell phone for this purpose but, I won’t support that because it is very easy to turn off the cell phone alarm and continue the session.
free-shutdown-timer

2.) Cut the connection– Secondly, you should reduce the means through which you can access your social network. Cell phones are fundamentally meant for making and taking calls and sending short messages, if you’ll not recharge your cell phone internet pack the next time, that’ll surely help you get rid of the habit forming technology.
images

3.) Respect the rules- Internet serves various other purposes apart from being a means for you to connect socially. Avoid the use of social networking sites while being at workplace because the bills of that connection are being paid to appreciate the output you have achieved through the productive use of internet, not to appreciate the criminal cases you have solved on facebook. Ask a colleague to block the social networking sites from your workplace system, if you are an addict, you won’t block it on your own.
parental-control

4.) Parental controls- If you are a parent and wish to restrict your child’s usage of social network or the computer in a broader sense, use the parental control option in windows vista, windows 7 and later versions of windows. This option allows you to restrict the time and days for which your child can use the computer and also the websites your child can visit. For users of windows xp and other operating systems, softwares serving the same purpose are freely available on the web. You won’t have to complain about your child’s addiction anymore.
parental-control-social-networking

5.) Take a break – Take a piece of pen and paper, write down the things you can do in your free time, except social networking. It can be writing an article, working out, reading a book etc. Next, delete all the web browsers, social applications and their setups from your computer and cell phones, USB drive for a week. Ask a person you trust to change the password of your social account. I do this for a month every year and always achieve the self-improvement objectives I set. This technique is very useful if you are keen on quitting social network for exams or an important project you wish to focus on. If you are highly addicted to social media try doing this for 2-3 days. See the results and then you’ll love taking a break as I do.  Remember: Don’t tell the world that you are taking a brake if you seriously wish to achieve your goal or else you’ll end up checking how many people liked your decision on facebook.
break-time

6.) Sticky notes- Set up a wallpaper on your phone or PC which reminds you that you have to restrict your usage of social networking sites and applications. I placed a sticky note on my computer screen and wrote on the white board in my room in bold letters “I AM NOT A SOCIAL ADDICT” when I wanted to achieve this objective. Reason: “OUT OF SIGHT IS OUT OF MIND”.Obtain a printout of this piece of writing, read it, re-read it and tell me your progress.

After giving this free fund advice I would say one thing “YOUR PARENTS WILL NEVER BE PROUD IF YOU ARE ADDICTED TO SOMETHING- BE IT DRUGS OR SOCIAL NETWORK

Waiting for ‘Likes’ and ‘comments’ on the first FRIDAY FUNDA. Mail me at: techsoftwarez (at) gmail.com or join me at facebook.com/mohit.unconventional.